Not sure if it belongs here or not (as it's an intentional joke from warships1 rather than the result of some dull witted yahoo barely sentient enough to recognize a ship)... but anyway:
LOA: 66 metres
Disp.: 3,500 tonnes
Bollard pull: Vs. Little Whallop Young Farmers Tug of War Club (best of 3: ship 1, Farmers 1, draw 1)
Speed: 22 knots downhill
Primary Armament
8 x Otobreda 76mm QF
Secondary Armament
6 x Oerlikon 20mm in casemates
1 x 12.7mm HMG in fighting top
Countermeasures
Anti-torpedo net booms fitted for but not with nets.
Armour scheme: composed of cork beer mats encased in a chicken wire matrix and bonded to an elastic layer of Durex.
Propulsion
Parsons steam turbines, oil fired, 2 steerable thrusters in nozzles utilising bungee cord shafts.
To facilitate bringing to bear the ship's full broadside, the following thruster arrangement has been included:
Bow thrusters: 1 x 1200 KW tunnel, electrically driven.
1 x 1800 KW retractable steerable thruster.
(Electrical power supplied by wind up generator of the Trevor Baylis type)
Sensors
Terma Scanter 4100 air and surface surveillance radar.
2 x duty look-outs operating 4 x Mk.1 eyeballs from positions on main mast.
Spanish trawler detection system fitted (consists of a map of British waters, a hand-held net and a clicker counter: if counter reads zero after sampling water, Spanish trawlers may be present).
Aviation
Flight deck arrangements suitable for Lynx, Sea King or Merlin.
Backup facility utilising hand-launched paper planes, manufactured as required.
Accomodation
Complement 236
1 x Captain's bath
2 x Lieutenant's shower buckets
5 x Midshipman's bidets
Admiral's stern walk
Additional accommodation for an EMF by activating sofa bed