No, I am not making this up, but I am posting it for the shear hilarity thereof.
London Sunday Times
December 2, 2012
Pg. 2
Army Shuts Down For Christmas
By David Leppard
THE British Army has been ordered to take an extended 25-day Christmas holiday or "work from home" in an attempt to cut its gas and electricity bills.
In a move that former military commanders say is unprecedented, a leaked memo from a general says all military and civilian personnel in land forces — amounting to 110,000 men and women — are to take "block leave" for 25 days from December 14 until January 7. The decision means all army barracks, Territorial Army buildings and other military sites in Britain will close for almost four weeks to provide "an opportunity for utility savings".
Although it says the closure is in recognition of the extra workload for the Olympics, which involved 18,000 personnel, the order applies to almost the entire army. It adds that the aim is "to fully exploit the utility efficiencies available by closing down buildings/working areas over this period".
The directive, issued to all army bases by Major-General David Cullen, chief of staff, land forces, says those soldiers, officers and civilians who have already used up their annual leave are to "work from home".
Bases are to be put on a "frost protection" footing to guard against harsh weather. The order applies to all military and civilian staff in land forces together with several thousand service personnel from the Royal Navy and RAF working with them.
Retired officers and MPs greeted the decision with incredulity.
Richard Kemp, a former commander of UK ground forces in Afghanistan, said he had never come across anything similar in 25 years of military service.
"Shutting down the army for an extended period over Christmas is an act of sheer desperation by military commanders starved of cash by the government. The troops themselves will welcome the extra time off. But nevertheless to an army at war this sends an insulting and morale-sapping message that makes it entirely clear just where spending priorities do not lie," said Kemp. "The idea that the troops can work from home is beyond satire. What are they supposed to do? Shooting in the back garden? An improvised bayonet assault course at the local play park? For a few office-bound staff home-working might be possible, but even among these the majority are tied to classified and networked computer systems that they do not have at home."
Patrick Mercer, the Tory MP and a former infantry officer, added: "Let's just hope that our enemies are full of Christmas cheer and don't choose to attack us during this month off."
The order will apply to all troops in Great Britain, Germany, Nepal and Brunei, together with training units in Canada, Belize and Kenya.
Yesterday an army spokesman claimed it would be wrong to describe the order as a cost-cutting measure. "In recognition of the exceptionally busy year the army has had both on operations and at home — including vital support to the 2012 London Olympics, fuel tanker drivers' strike and diamond jubilee — the usual Christmas leave period has been extended.
"Personnel who are essential to supporting operations will remain on task regardless of this leave period and there will be no impact on the mission in Afghanistan."
Who wants to schedule an invasion using public transit?
Who wants to watch the Top Gear Special as they try and repel said invasion?